Time for Disc #1, Movie #10, 50 Horror Classics
"Things happen...All accordin' to instincts. They're ain't no, ain't no stations. Ain't no stations. Gotta do whatcha gotta do." Judd
A runaway, and one none too familiar with trade, Sweet Clara best be beatin' it down the road, cause she ain't makin' no money for Miss Hattie. Ruby (Betty Cole), the House nurse, donned in a white nurse's uniform and orthopedic shoes, sees she's got a couple a bucks, and points her in the direction of the Starlight Motel just down the road. "But don't you let on you're one a Miss Hattie's girls, now, child."
"Down roun' Tumbledown standin' roun' in the rain. Ain't got no ticket. Aint' got no bag. Still I'm waitin' on the the train...."
Well, it's 'bout now we get some payin' customers pullin' in. Roy (William Finley) and his lovely wife, Faye (Marilyn Burns), their adorable little girl, Angie (Kyle Richards), and her little dog, too--Scuffy. But straight off the bat, Scuffy gets a little too close to the water's edge and gets Eaten Alive! Right in front of little Angie. Well, she's none too happy 'bout it, as you can imagine, so mom hoists her up and takes her up to their room, where she cries and carries on, while mom smokes and takes her pills, and dad goes into "pity me" mode natterin', "I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry." Yah ya are, buddy. Friggin' wierd, too.
"Things happen...All accordin' to instincts. They're ain't no, ain't no stations. Ain't no stations. Gotta do whatcha gotta do."
And he starts crawlin' around on the ground, like he's lookin' for crack. "Where is it? Where is it? Where'd it roll to Honey? Honey, let's just take that eye and scrunch it." And the kid's holdin' her ears. And he's freakin' out. And mom's takin' off her wig. And then he starts barking. Barking! She goes, "What do you want me to do? Throw myself to the alligators?" And he starts mimicking biting her with his hand.
Sheriff Martin (and yes, folks, Mom is still upstairs tied to the bedposts makin' quite a racket every time she hears Angie scream, which is ongoing.) drops off Libby, promises he'll send out an APB, and tries to reassure her. "Lot's a teens run away these days...she'll turn up."
Buck, he goes outside, and starts lookin' 'roun, and just as he's about to look under the house, Judd comes out. "Ya hear that?" Buck asks. And Judd, who never makes much sense whether he's talkin' to someone or talkin' to himself says, "You think I don't know. 'Ol Croc'll eat anything, even old Buck." And since Buck was a little too close to the water, he is Eaten Alive! This makes Judd very happy, so he does the two step with his scythe. Don't y'all?
Buck's gal is still there though, albeit not for long. She actually gets away. She had enough sense to stay away from the water. She ran through the swamp, into the woods, onto the road, and since this must be a very busy swamp road, a car comes by and picks her up.
Since Judd's outside, he might as well try and get that persnickety kid out from under his motel. And Judd has a flash a brilliance. We simply don't give Judd enough credit. He takes his scythe and cuts the wire fencing enclosing his Croc to free his fine pet. This does not sit well with Angie t'all, and she begins to scream...again. Mom's fit to be tied, hahaha, fit to be tied, which in turn grabs Libby's attention. She's wonderin' whether or not to go in. I mean is someone in trouble, or is someone having too much fun and just sound like they're in trouble? She took a chance and entered and then just kind of looked at her like, "uh, do you need help?" Afterall, it's perfectly normal for a woman to be tied to a bedpost with her feet bound and electrical tape on her mouth on the bayou, right? "Oh, Jesus. Jesus," she says, and cuts her loose.
Sheriff Martin pulls up and saves the day. And from the depths of the swamp, through the bubbles and the muck, surfaces what looks to be a prosthetic. And if if I'm wrong, please, for god's sake, someone post a comment and tell me what it really is.
We all have instincts right? Isn't everything we do an instinct of some kind. So, it must be right, right? Or we wouldn't do it. That means we can justify every single thing we do. Every single thing. Because like Judd said. "We do what we gotta do." Thank you, Mr. Hooper.
And Kyle Richards, if you are out there, you rock, little chick. And if you are not messed up by having to play Angie, well, then, you not only rock, you are a beast, and I just want to give you a great big hug. Four out of five flames on the flame scale. Seriously creeped me out. And the only reason it didn't get five, was because of Robert Englund's whitey tighties. And Mr. Hooper? You're music rocked as well. Chilling.
ps I have to say there were no bras in this movie, even under the dresses. Vasserette and all the other bra companies did not have a good year in 1977. And it sounds gross, but I hope y'all started to wear one, because undoubtedly, if you didn't, your fine breasts did not hold up so well, I expect.